Aug 28, 2009

Why A Woman Shall Deserve It?

Having been a post graduate student and a gold medalist from one of the India’s prestigious institutions, named Indian Institute of Science, Sudha Narayan Murthy had left her career after marriage. She dedicated herself to her family, and today she is a social worker and a good writer as well.

Mirka Federer herself was a tennis player before she committed herself to work as Roger Federer’s manager. She had left her career after being undergone a surgery, of course. Many articles say that she got realized of her work, and she decided to help Federer in his profession. Today no one can dare to forget to mention her name while saying about the phenomenal success of the Swiss.

She was the Vice President for Community and External Affairs at the University of Chicago Hospitals. And now she is the first lady of United States of America, Michelle Obama, who had left her successful career and involved herself in campaigning for her husband Barack Obama, during the 2008 presidential elections.


There are ‘N’ number of examples from the celebrities’ side. I personally know a few women, who have left/changed their professions after their marriage. I’m a small part of this universe, still I know little such kind of women, and if you look at the whole number that is known to every body in this universe, no doubt you would be more than surprised.

((Keeping every thing aside that I have written below, I congratulate these proud ladies. It gives certain pleasure when I read about them))

And now please don’t get me wrong. I completely agree about the women who have been successfully traveling in both personal and professional sides. But my concern is about the percentage of such women and also the percentage of such families that allow them to be so.

Every profession demands the same:

I remember many of my male colleagues saying that ‘Teaching is the best profession, which a woman can choose’. But I never understood ‘why is it so?’ They may have had the idea that it would be an easier job, just going to college/school, coming back and staying with your family, children, etc. I too have the opinion that ‘Teaching’ is a great profession, but let me tell you, it is one and the same for both male and female. Every profession demands you in a similar way, irrespective of whether you are a male or female. When you love the work you do, you have got no reservations at all.

Its not that the name of the profession that makes your job easy, it is the nature of the profession that you understand, and demands of it that you presume, probably would tell you what the divinity that lies in every profession.

Who can shed voice for the desire of a girl’s parents?

There is no difference in a way how a female student thinks about her ambitions to that of a male student
does. Every body has got same ambitions in a way or other. Just imagine yourself as a father who enters a school to join your boy child or girl child in school. Then your intention behind joining them in school would be similar. It is always to see him/her reaching heights in life.

As a girl’s father, may be you would feel at some corner of your heart that she should become a good wife in her future, and I wonder as a boy’s father if you would not feel that your son should become a good husband in future!! You will, wont you?

Every parent has the same ambitions about their children, irrespective of whether it is a boy or girl. Then why a girl’s parent shall restrict his dreams of seeing his daughter reaching heights in professional life after her marriage? Or why is he being restricted? I don’t agree if you say that it is being written like that somewhere unseen.

Is it that, parents who have got a girl child shall be clapping always for their son-in-law’s success?
Is it that, girls who have dreamed about their careers in their childhood shall forget all and do the house keeping?
Is it that, woman is just meant for the saying “There is a woman behind every successful man”?

Let me tell you...

I repeat, please don’t get me wrong by thinking that I’m looking at one side of the coin. Every coin has got two sides, and I admit, each of them has got equal importance. I completely agree with the people who may show me different examples of the women, who have been achieving their personal and professional stunts successfully. But then, I will ask them to tell about the men behind them, and my concern is why can’t most of the men be like that? Similarly, why can’t most of the women be like that?

Is it again the awareness that is to be spoon-feeded from their childhood itself, or they should be matured enough to understand what their life partner desires to be?

Now I will try to see another side of the coin. You know, it is the greatest pleasure when you leave your dreams for the person you love. It is the ultimate sacrifice, when she accompanies her husband and her children in their success at the rate of her own ambitions. It is the divinity of any human heart.

May be that heart is only of a woman!!
May be she the only person who can do it!!
May be it is impossible for a man to give what his woman gives!!


But you know what, from a woman point of view, it hurts.
Though it is just for a fraction of second, it hurts.
Even it is giving you the immense pleasure, it hurts.
You may call her a great person, it still hurts.
It hurts at the very back and unknown fields of her heart.

There is a saying- “You get what you deserve, not what you desire”
If it is true, does a woman deserve it?
If she deserves it, why shall she?


I’m not here to say the ideas to avoid its happening. It happens every now and then, only when a couple is not having a mutual respect and understanding. Defining the understanding between couples is not in my horizons. None of my words can define it, I know. It is truly depends upon them, because no two are alike in this universe.

PS: Please see this post as a generic one, by looking at the percentage of women those are being hurt. Few examples can not answer lakhs of heart beats.

It is pleasure to bring myself back on this stage after this short break. Hope, now I have given you every thing that I had missed in these days. Thanks for this long read. See you in the comments section. Please be there, being a reader.

50 comments:

STEPHEN TEA said...

THE MALE-FEMALE CONFLICT, AN ESSENTIAL DENIAL OF THE PRINCIPLE OF YIN AND YANG, IS HUMANITY'S AGE-LONG TRAGEDY. WHENCE ITS GENESIS? EVERY RELIGION THAT SUBSCRIBES TO THE EXISTENCE OF A GOD REDUCES WOMEN TO AN INFERIOR EXISTENCE. WELL, I APPRECIATE YOUR CONTRIBUTION TO THE CONTINUING DIALOG. WELCOME BACK. MAY THE BIRDS ENJOY YOUR VOICE...

Leo said...

hats off to the trio of women u chose to tell about in the first part of ur thought provoking post! they are indeed some women who have sacrificed something to become greater!

coming to the post itself...

"teaching is a best profession that a woman can choose" was the statement u said i believe, and u told its a best profession for both men and women. i agree with u. it is a very noble profession that both men and women can choose, and one needn't look further than the late great Sarvepalli Radhakrishnan for proof of that statement. There is nothing in a name. How you respect that profession, in the end, thats what matters. The belief however that its the best a woman can choose, maybe originates from the fact that the first teacher in anyone's life is a woman, the mother, who nurtures and teaches the kids till they go to school. father plays an equal role, but its the mother who teaches i think. "mata, pita, guru, daivam" so goes the saying. mom teaches u and shows u who the father is, father shows the teacher and teacher shows the God.

any parent, be it a boy's or a girl's has only the future of the child in mind. in India, mostly in the regional areas, one finds this belief that a girl doesn't need to study a lot, that the responsibility of the parent is in finding the girl a suitable husband, and to send her into an other home with pomp and splendour. i don't believe in such traditions or superstitions or beliefs. if one sacrifices the dreams to help their life partner achieve theirs or rather give ur dreams to them to fulfil, u r indeed sacrificing something so valuable and the partner should realize that and help u realize those dreams. a woman who sacrifices her dreams or hands it to her life partner to realize them, is very divine at heart indeed, and i'd want perhaps, even if it is just once, to see Mirka Federer play alongside Roger, even if it is for just ten minutes.

welcome back to Blogvilla, Pramoda, and perhaps i've put too long a comment to welcome u back! :)

Prasad Gutti said...

Hi

Nice Post after somany days...
So now you kept a comma to your break right? ... (because you may take break again sooo ... )

k thanks for your blog ... and will be back again with my comments.

See You .. bye bye

--
Prasad

VIJAY said...

Pramoda- Interestig piece to come across at an equally interesting time for me (u know it)

Its not that the name of the profession that makes your job easy, it is the nature of the profession that you understand, and demands of it that you presume, probably would tell you what the divinity that lies in every profession.- These lines moved me.

Well, forget the bad and ugly days of the previous generations. Now, the things are changed a lot. Now a days, parents have changed a lot. They don't mind to sweat it out even for their girl child, whatso ever happens. Each and every parent is thriving to provide the best education they can afford for their children irrespective of their gender. I agree that are some deviations here and there.

Thinking about our generation, I don't feel that people give importance orthodox methodology like cutting the future of a girl child. We are in a position to forsee what's good and whatls bad.

I can see the emotion that you poured into the lines here. Well, whatz 'your' descision finally?? After your marriage- Would you leave your job life? I foresee that you wanna continue your job life after marriage. Freedom of answering this is left to you... :)

prajyot said...

gre8 post with atmost feelings...very truthful...keep it up

for u..from me said...

heyy..u've cum bak wid an interesting peice indeed..was worth reading..hope, u succeed in delivering the right message u want thru dis article..keep it up ..gr8 going..!!!

Priya Joyce said...

a very gud one ter dear..
i hav often seen gals getting into a complacent family lyf aftr marriage..hmmm
well watever..i think if some one has aims she gotto fulfil it...and tat's not pride or arrogance
well niway..people see it that way too...niway..I and u can be different if not they hai na?
:):)

nups said...

hey Pamoda
thanks for visitng me.... left a reply to ur comment do check... well the point u made is pretty relevant today as it was centuries ago... its sad but its not because of society rather its about the individual...we make choices... cos it takes two to tango as the sayng goes so it surely takes two to work out the statistics of a happy marriage...
women biologically have to bear children.. men cant do tat for us.. so no matter hw successful u r u take a career break,the interval again v subjective, somehow the concept of a house husband doesn appeal to me... does it to u ? :)
wat i m tryng to arrive at is do wat makes u happy n satisfied ..if u wana wrk n the man objects.. either try n negotiate or dump him... if there's love in the marriage smthng can surely be worked out.... if not then do u think the marriage is worth it?
i thnk managing a home n kids n pesky husbands is A FULL TIME JOB :)if u support him in career too u r the GODDESS :) .... and baby remember ... love makes a person do theses thngs and genetically we r stronger lovers n more compassionate so tat explains the women u talked abt and a zillion more who go unmentioned :)

nups said...

hey Pramoda... sorry i spelt ur name wrong in my comment ..oops!!

Vishwanath Seshadri said...

welcome back.. It is a very insightful commentary you have out here..

Looking forward for more

cheers

Diva said...

Hey... glad I got to read this...I do have somethings to share myself and comment on the blog, here goes:

I had attended a International Women's day special conference by Sudha Murthy in 2007 where she spoke non-stop for 45 mins to an auditorium overflowing with women about her life story.. That day, she said a very profound thing, something that made a huge difference to my perceptions about men and women- 'There is a good old saying that behind every successful man, there is a woman. But I'd like to believe otherwise. Because in my life, I am where I am today because of the men in my life!! It was my father who encouraged me to study Engineering when I was the only girl in entire class. It was my husband who has supported me in my ideas and stood by me. And my son's encouragement that has kept me going everyday. SO I think that behind every successful woman, there are atleast a few men'.

Sorry but I just wrote the gist of what she said that day, i cant rem the exact word to word after all!!

But yea, I guess like every coin has two sides you should never forget that if you are where you are today, its because your dad, your brother n the rest stood by you and helped you get an education...

Men do play an imp part of shaping up our lives, as fathers, sons, husbands and brothers.... I hope the Men who dont realise this soon do!!

manivannan said...

Hi pramoda!

Nice to see you back soon :-) You've come back with a very thought provoking write-up! Admirably written :-)

You've beautifully got into the two sides of the coin. I agree with with u except for one thing :-)

You've said that by sacrificing, it would hurt a women deep inside her heart....I certainly don't think so, unless or until they are forced to do so. And if they're forced, then it is not a sacrifice. And it applies for both male and female.

May be for us, seeing from outside, we may feel so...But if they truly sacrifice, they would not be hurt. It would be a celebration for them. I guess those women you've mentioned above would certainly agree with me.

And also I don't think women can only do certain kind of jobs. That's utter rubbish! But, yes. a woman can easily make such sacrifices...it's quite tough for men. It is because it's very natural for a women to give. A quality bestowed to her.... And we should remember GIVING IS NOT A WEAKNESS....Only those who are courageous can give. That's why women easily does it. But it is very unfortunate that this admirable character of her is undervalued now, 'cause for generations it has been exploited.

I hope I have made my point clear :-)

Yellow Tulip said...

very nicely said dear...

my minds block..dont know wat to say...:(...i jus read ur post.its very motivating and intriguing:)

keep goin gal

Indian Pundit said...

Brilliant post.
i also thought about this.

Cheers.....by the way i like ur name "Pramoda"....what does it mean?

Jaunty anima said...

Three Cheers to women...three cheers to ur post...lvd ever bit of it...

Dhanya said...

VERY VERY well put :) I loved the way you described everything so vividly...

yamini meduri said...

hi di

first of welcome back..!!!
what a come abck yaar...hats off..!!!

its true yaar...we work so hard since our childhood, build our dreams and strive to achieve them..but we still know that one day they are broken..!!! i still wonder(not all the time though) why i am doing my Post Graduation, when i one day will have to be at home...!!!

but dear, i realized that instead of thinking about tommorow which is obviously gonna happen, lets live atleast the day today which is in our hands...cool na..!!!

but yaar..why does this happen??? if we are not allowed to live our lives...why are we given the right to dream.....injustice of ages with girls..!!!

anyways this is an everlasting question whicch you n me can never answer...yours was a lovely writeup dear/.!!1

di, i think you need to send this to a national newspaper like Hindu so that you ill be published and many others will read it...!!!

deeps said...

it s high time we started asking why she cant..!!!

a well thought out post ....

scarlettpimpernnel.blogspot.com said...

Two persons having two different career in two countries have decided to marry, whom do you think will sacrifice the "career"

Creativity!! said...

Hi Dear,
Glad To See You Back :D Really, Great Post Dear :D

Pramoda Meduri said...

Hello stephen,

Very happy to see u here..And am glad to see u coming in first..:)

and thanks alot for mentioning the term HUMANITY here..soo good.

Thank You.

Pramoda Meduri said...

Hai Leo,

Thanks for taking time and writing ur views..

**The belief however that its the best a woman can choose, maybe originates from the fact

that the first teacher in anyone's life is a woman, the mother, who nurtures and teaches the

kids till they go to school.

Yes, good to know this insight of urs. But the actually feeling that i had when my male

coulagues said about woman profession was little different..:(..

**if one sacrifices the dreams to help their life partner achieve theirs or rather give ur

dreams to them to fulfil, u r indeed sacrificing something so valuable and the partner

should realize that and help u realize those dreams

Very good vinay.. i hoe u keep this attitude and make ur wife happy..:)

**even if it is just once, to see Mirka Federer play alongside Roger, even if it is for just

ten minutes.

I too wanna seee.....:)

Thanks for this warm welcome..i live up to it:)

Pramoda Meduri said...

HI Prasad,

Thank You...I may not take a break again, but agian, not very sure...heheh..

Awaiting ur views..:) hope to read to soonn..:)

Pramoda Meduri said...

Hy Vijay,

U were in office when u wrote this, na?..aahh... good..

**I don't feel that people give importance orthodox methodology like cutting the future of a

girl child. We are in a position to forsee what's good and whatls bad.

I agree with u more than 100%, but my concern was about the life after marriage..:(

**After your marriage- Would you leave your job life?

Yeah, thanks for this. well, AFter marriage it's not ME, its WE..so i cant say any thing

now...will surely let know..:)

Thanks Vijay..

Pramoda Meduri said...

Hey Prajyot

Thank You So Much..:)

Pramoda Meduri said...

Hello Madhu,

Welcome back here..hope to see u around.

ANd thank you so much for ur sweet complements..:)

Have a nice time

Pramoda Meduri said...

Hi Priya,

Haa Priya, lets live to achieve our dreams..wish u all the best..:)

Never mind if it sounds like arrogance.:)

Have a nice time.

Pramoda Meduri said...

HAi Nups,

Glad to see u here..:)

**somehow the concept of a house husband doesn appeal to me... does it to u ? :)

Not at alllll....i hate to see husbands doing it, well i'm nt a femisit, i'm a humanist.

**love makes a person do theses thngs and genetically we r stronger lovers n more

compassionate so tat explains the women u talked abt and a zillion more who go unmentioned

:)

Thanks , yes, they go unmentioned..:(..But ok, Lets take it in spirit.

It would be nice to see u around..:)

Pramoda Meduri said...

Hey NUps..never mind..:) its pramoda..:)

Pramoda Meduri said...

Hello Vishwanath,

welcome here..

Look forward for ur reviews on my thougths..U too hold a good blog..lets stay in touch.:)

Pramoda Meduri said...

Hi DIva,

Thanks for this splendid speech of Sudha Murthy, hats of to her for her attitude..:)

I agree with u very much, I too have men in my life, who have veen living for me.. men are

very important in our lives, so as we in their lives.

Good to see u here..:)

Pramoda Meduri said...

Hai Manivannan,

Thank You so much;)

I appriciate u for speaking ur heart saying that u would not agree with me in that. yes,

unless otherwise they are forced to do so, they dont at all feel bad abour it..thats the

greatness of love. Thanks for this point.

Surely, they ladies wont agree..yes..:)

**That's utter rubbish!

Soory, i think u must be knowing some men who have done it..or u r such a kind of person who

would do it..otherwise ur reactuion would not have been soo strong..:) what say??

**GIVING IS NOT A WEAKNESS....Only those who are courageous can give

very admirable::)

Keep it up..u have got an admirable attitude..:)

Pramoda Meduri said...

Hey Yellow tulip,

thanks gal...L)

Have a good time.

Pramoda Meduri said...

Hey Indian Pundit,

Thanks for being inline ..:)

Ohhh ... U like it? i have smile on my face now, thanks for this pleasure.. It means

"Happiness"..:)

Pramoda Meduri said...

Hey Jaunty anima

Thanks you very much..:)

Good to see u here..:)

Pramoda Meduri said...

Hai DHanya,

welcome to my space..and thanks for ur sweet cmplement..:)

Plz do vivit me again and again..and let me know ur views..:)

Pramoda Meduri said...

Hi Deeps

Thanks for coming and for comments ..:)

Plz do come here often,..

Pramoda Meduri said...

@scarlettpimpernnel

Hai...welcome here ..

u have come here with an interesting question..:)

**Two persons having two different career in two countries have decided to marry, whom do

you think will sacrifice the "career"

Well, it can be either of them..with out knowing the conditions and their views i cant

answer this. because, to answer this qsn, i not only need the two characters, but i also

need their life styles, their attitudes, their job roles, their dreams, their aims, their

every thing..:) then i only i can make it better with my answer..otherwise, its not that

easy for me...

its up to their mutual understanding and respect;;)

Thanks for this.

Pramoda Meduri said...

Hey Sahana,

Thanks alott..:)

Pramoda Meduri said...

Hi Yamini,

Thanks dearrr..:)

**i realized that instead of thinking about tommorow which is obviously gonna happen, lets

live atleast the day today which is in our hands...cool na..!!!

Sooo soooo cooooll my gal...:)

**why does this happen???

Ahhhhhhhhh... infinet dollar question :)


**di, i think you need to send this to a national newspaper like Hindu so that you ill be

published and many others will read it...!!!

Oh my goodness.... Thanks alllottt... it itself is a grt appriciation..will try...could u

let me know how do it do it?

K ra.. see u ..tc

Prasad Gutti said...

Hi Prams,

Thanks for waiting for my comments. Due to my busy schedule I was late in it. Here those are...

You have taken only few examples Apart from this, Ya I agree with the few facts you are saying, but not completely. You yourself told that there are 2 sides of a coin and we should see from both sides, the size and everything will be similar and having equal importance, rather difference is from the picture. This means that some mismatches would be there to make it difference for everything.
So we can say that no two things or persons will be similar in nature. You too said in the same way.

The best thing in the universe is the Teaching. Teach yourself to be obedient and teach others to share your knowledge. It is the fool who is saying that Teaching is the best profession to women. But teaching is the best field to gain knowledge and share it with others. It is applicable to both men and women.

Yes ofcourse some women are being hurted and some are not.... The same is being applicable to men as well, men too being hurted by some women. May be some are being forcefully sacrificed themselves for men but some are sacrificing themselves to share love between each other. Sacrification is the couragious thing to give up themselves for others. It is by nature happened by the people. And its the GOD created such people to differentiate between Good and Bad and between good people and bad people.

@Now I will try to see another side of the coin. You know, it is the greatest pleasure when you leave your dreams for the person you love.

I completely agree with this line, this gives full satisfaction to a person when he/she does for their beloved ones.

@Is it that, woman is just meant for the saying “There is a woman behind every successful man”?

I completely disagree with this one. Because there would be no woman in some persons life.
So we can say it as " There is a woman behind some successful men " as well we can say, " There is a man behind some successful women "
It is the love between them to encourage others to be successfull and if he/she gets satisfaction in others happiness.

But I agree with the words that Women are having good patience and with their cool mind. By nature it is given by GOD. Thats why when a person came from hectic situations in the office, he feels to have love from her and would like to have a small nap on her lap.

Just in general I have said above all. Please dont get angry upon it. So many things are there to share but cant hehheheh.... ok bye

--
Prasad

ethereal-lily said...

Nice Post :) thanks for the comments you left by

- lily

Pramoda Meduri said...

HI Prasad,

Thank You so much for taking time and for giving your comment straight from your heart. I respect and i actualy cherish it. Its not that whether u agree with me or disagree with me, it is that whether u have expressed urself ot not ..Thanks for this..No angries heheh ... :)

**" There is a man behind some successful women "

Yes, i agree with it completly, but i have already mentioned my concern and asked you not to look at FEW examples, as they can never answer lakhs of heart beats..

I wish to read more from you ..:) Thanks for this pleasure.

Prams

Pramoda Meduri said...

@ ethereal-lily

Hey, Thanks for visiting my space and leaving the comment .. :)

Lets stay in touch.

Ellen said...

Hello Pramoda,

It all boils down to 'making choices'. Mirka Federer and Michelle Obana did.... and other women like them in all parts of the globe who may have made their own respective choices too when presented with similar situations. They must have understood fully well what the priorities were and knew what they should do in the interest of the better good. If personal dreams should be cast aside in the process, it would be done with eyes wide open.

It doesn't matter where you come from or what traditions have held you for so long, when the fateful moment comes to you -- you can do no less but make the best choice possible. And I am sure that this is arrived at with serious thought courage and retrospect.

In life one's priorities shift as often as the winds blow on the sands of time. Things change, mind sets do. Age-old values are cast aside and replaced with new ones to adapt to the new order, ensure continuity, promote goodwill, and ensure growth or development in the midst of changing times.

One has choices to make everyday in matters of life, love, health, education, work, career, marriage, family, relationships, pleasure, and the future. Choices have no gender; both male and female have the right to choose what is right for self. No choice is good or bad either. Who can say what is good or bad for anyone? We can only venture to make our own conclusions or observations or perceptions as spectators but it is not a guaranty that it is the right one. We know so little of what transpires within the confines of their private lives or in their heads.

When a choice has been made, it is understood that it was done with much study, intent, and insight. So whatever the outcome, regardless of anybody or everybody's perceived idea or opinion, I believe that it should be respected and given its rightful place. In the same manner that God does not interfere with a man's exercise of 'free will'.

Ooops! Gotta leave now before I get glued to this chair LOLS!! Thanks for dropping by my blog. God bless!

Pramoda Meduri said...

HI Ellen,

Thank You sooo much for taking time and letting me know your views.., i'm very happy to see u here always.

Yeah, if a person takes a decision, that it shd be understood that it much have been done with much insight and love.so it deserves the respect. Thanks for these words of wisdom.

and ur words about the priorities moved me alott..yes, thank u very much ellen.

Have a nice time..:)

manivannan said...

hi pramoda,

Thanks for the compliment, and for accepting my views :-)

***or u r such a kind of person who
would do it..

I didn't get u :-) U mean, I'd do it...do what???

Anyways to ur question... when I say, - you can't do this - u will ask, why can't i? and possible do what i said u can't? Right? That's natural!

But the problem here is, that sort of attitude makes a woman's life as just a reaction to others. Without knowing their own strength and uniqueness, they end up their life doing what other's say can't! This is a universal problem. That's why my reaction was bit strong :D

Pramoda Meduri said...

Hey Manivannan,

I'm soo sorry for that, actually i understood that line in a different way. so i was saying that. Now i got you..:)

Once again, thanks for ur this comment, had it been not there, i would not have got a chance to say this. I appriciate you.

and i liked ur analysis in the last paragraph..:)

Nice to know more from you and i look forward for more views from u ..:)

manivannan said...

It's okie...I'd a guess tat it was a misunderstanding :D Again, thanks for ur sweet words :-)

I too appreciate your open-minded approach...and am really glad that you like to know more of my humble thoughts...it would be a pleasure for me to share with u...and i too look forward the same from u :-)

hey...sorry for the late reply. Last week i was not able to blog :(

Will catch up with ur posts ASAP :-)

Cheers!

Being Pramoda... said...

Hey..nice to see u here again..And thanks for the humble words..i appriciate it.

Plz keep coming..:)

Have a nice time and happy blogging :)