Nov 25, 2011

Loving someone and being lovingly with someone…

Loving someone and being lovingly with someone are two different things, different feelings. Don’t infer the same from these two. You can love very few, parents, boy friend/girl friend, best friend etc. But at the same time you can be lovingly with many including those whom you admire, whom you take as an inspiration, with whom your time passes nicely/friendly etc.

One point here, ironically, when the people you love commit some mistake you may at times take it seriously and wrap them up; and when the people with whom you be lovingly commit the similar mistake you give helping hand in rising them up from the deep displeasure. On the contrary, in case of some other mistakes, you can easily forgive the ones whom you love, but can not simply go ahead easily with those whom you otherwise are lovingly.

Mistake or misunderstanding, whatever, it makes us think differently for person to person, incident to incident. Nothing wrong with such! Never mind if you can settle it up with your best friend for a mistake/misunderstanding and can not do the same easily with your boy friend/girl friend for similar mistake/misunderstanding. These two persons are two different entities with two different expectations from you. All that matters most of the times is the commodity called expectations. They can not be sacrificed, in fact they be there no matter what. They just frame up themselves deep within.

I suggest, you try to unravel such cases by digging deeply inside your own expectations and how they have been framed up. Most importantly, understand if you have ever communicated your expectations to your friend/partner. If you haven’t, share the mistake. If you have, try to solve it out and talk it out with a positive outlook and a hope to resolve. Never go after the culprit rudely as in case of most of the disputes there’s the involvement of two people.

Don’t confuse yourselves by asking the questions such as, “Why I can not take it easy with my partner as I can do it with my friend?” or “vice versa”. At times it ultimately leads to the grand question, “Do I love him/her really? Is this all love?”

No, never enter that mode. If it has happened with you, or happening with you or would happen with you, please be informed that its one of the quite common happenings across the earth. Don’t ruin your relationships with confusion of thoughts.

Relationships shall be made or broken with clear understanding but not without it.

PS: I’ve seen many couples/friends who are worried with such incidents/feelings between them. I hope you may find this helpful when you have to face it.

9 comments:

kaykuala said...

Pramoda,
Good thinking! Friendships and relationships are worlds apart. Realationships go deeper depending on the person and parties involved.As long as we hold our heads above water and not get caught holding the baby, it is ok.I was in a bank before and had seen instances where friends innocently signed as guarantors. It caught up with them after a few years when the loans turned sour. The borrower had by then disappeared and the guarantor had to pay. It was sickening to see how people took advantage of their relationships.

Hank

KParthasarathi said...

The dierence is very thin and subtle.I would agree with your statement that "Mistake or misunderstanding, whatever, it makes us think differently for person to person, incident to incident".For identical mistakes we react differently from person to person.There are lots of elements known and unknown to us in our perceptions.
A post that kindles one's thinking.

☆ Rià ღ said...

There's a big difference between friends and partners and each needs to dealt with differently. Once ppl understand this, it should be a problem for them coz the two just can't be compared.

Rachit said...

quite true... :)

Weakest LINK

Jack said...

Pramoda,

Read all pending posts now. These days children have their own ways and many do not wish to be dropped or picked up by parents after certain age as it seems to them that they are being made to look babies still. Media goes on overdrive about Bs and Sachin. Let them be. Pressure on Sachin does take toll. So Google played tricks with you. Beautiful poem, Love Happens Everyday. One needs to be very clear about relatives, bf or gf and friends. One should not have too many expectations from others for own happiness while try to be what one wishes others to be for him or her.

Take care

PS : No visit?

JaLpArI - tHe MeRmAiD said...

well.. i do not know wat love is.... love amazes me....
whatever it is.. i do agree that it has degrees.. some are loved more than te others...

how not to get confused in this mess>>>> well this question itself confuses me... :(

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Ed Pilolla said...

you are wise. mistakes are a part of life. they are opportunities to forgive and grow closer or allow a wedge to separate. what do we want? i used to find opportunities out of relationships everywhere. those same opportunities exist, but i have -- thankfully -- learned they are also opportunities to grow closer. tis all in my head, and what i want out of this life, seems to me.